Sermons of the Guardian of Devotion
Volume 3

Humility in Service

Devotee: Does Lord Balarama expand Himself into the form of the Dham? Is Vaikuntha-Dham an expansion of Lord Balarama?

Srila Guru Maharaj: It is Lord Balarama's representation in the form of Sankarsana. Lord Balarama Himself is in Goloka, and his Vaibhava, extended or delegated Self, is in Vaikuntha.

Devotee: And He Himself expands into Goloka Dham?

Srila Guru Maharaj: Yes, Goloka Vrndavana is all His expansion, but there He is alwavs active through His expansion as the 'underground' sandhini, unifying, potency; whereas His madhura-rasa is passive. In Goloka, Radharani's Vaibhava is having full play, and Balarama's potency is there passively as Yogamaya. Balarama and Yogamaya are of a similar function: both of them combined are conducting the arrangements of the stage for Krsna's Pastimes.

Devotee: Maharaj, what is the position of Subhadra?

Srila Guru Maharaj: Her position is not in Vrndavana, but in Dvaraka. The Subhadra in Jagannatha-Dham is Arjjuna-patni, the wife of Arjjuna, and sister of Krsna. She is within Dvaraka-lila and has nothing to do with Vrndavana. Besides this there is another Subhadra who is one among the many sakhis of Radharani in Vrndavana. She is called Bhadra or Subhadra.

Devotee: Is it Dvaraka-Subhadra who is also sometimes referred to as Yogamaya?

Srila Guru Maharaj: No. At the time when I was composing Sri-Sri Prapanna-jivanamrtam I was faced with the position of having to think very deeply on this point: "What is the relation between Baladeva and Yogamaya?" Then, although I did not find it anywhere in the Scriptures, I discovered within myself that Baladeva must be the Master of Yogamaya. That is, after analysing the spiritual environment of Their Pastimes, I came to the conclusion that They must have some connection. They are both making arrangements for Krsna-lila, so Their relationship must be very intimate: Yogamaya must be in the position of the wife of Balarama. This conclusion came to me, and then later on I found that Jiva Goswami had also expressed such opinion that Yogamaya and Baladeva are very close and similar, and also Vrndadevi's nature and conduct is of very similar nature to Them in this respect. Yogamaya is in the inner circle—the sakti position—and Balarama is in the outer or 'male' circle—the second layer. But in the centre is only Krsna feeling His own ecstasy: sukha-rupa krsna kare sukha asvadana (C.c. Madhya 8.158).

When extension begins, we find that Balarama and Yogamaya make arrangements for that transaction of Krsna where rasamrta-murtti, Krsna the embodiment of all rasas, tastes Himself. Rasa is tasting Himself. It is different in the case of the mundane rasa, where the soul is the subject and the 'rasa' is an object to be 'enjoyed' by him; but here, rasa is Himself the Highest Subject, and He is tasting Himself—sukha-rupa krsna kare sukha asvadana.

He then gradually extends Himself and so we find Baladeva who is a facsimile of Krsna. But because in the science of rasa, Baladev's direct approach to madhura-rasa is not admissible. He extends Himself as a special potency, Yogamaya, and goes to perform in that madhura-rasa.

Another representation or delegation of Baladeva is Ananga Manjari, the younger sister of Srimati Radharani. It is found that Baladeva as Anariga Manjari participates there in the service of Radharani, whereas the external management is in the hands of Yogamaya. Ananga Manjari is the manifestation of Baladeva through whom He is represented in madhura-rasa. The science of rasa does not allow Baladeva to enter there with His own abhimana—mood—, therefore, we are told. He has to go there as Anariga Manjari. The laws of rasa are of such fine importance.

The extensive management is the department of the Yogamaya potency, but that is in a second-hand position. The first position is that of Krsna, and in a secondary position, helping Krsna-lila from outside, is Yogamaya.

Devotee: Didn't Balarama return to Vrndavana and perform the Rasa-HIa with the Gopis?

Srila Guru Maharaj: Yes, but that was with a separate group of Gopis. The interpretation and inner understanding of the Goswamis is that Balaram performed the Rasa-lila externally, but within His heart He was making Rasa-lila of Krsna. His position and personality is such: He is faithfully dedicated wholesale to the cent-per-cent satisfaction of the Centre. His very constitutional position is such that He cannot do otherwise. That is His intrinsic nature: to put everything towards the satisfaction of Krsna. So the key for service to the Master, Krsna Himself, is in His hand. And that Master is an autocrat! But He says, "Don't be jealous of Me. I am your friend. You are all My own, so don't be afraid.

bhoktaram yajna-tapasam,
sarvva-loka-mahesvaram
suhrdam sarvva-bhutanam,
jnatva mam santim rcchati

(Srimad Bhagavad-gita 5.29)

"Your anxiety will subside when you come to understand that everything is in My hands and that I am not your enemy, rather I am your friend. I have a friendly relationship with you all. I am all-in-all, but I am your well-wisher and friend. When you come to realize this you will be in real peace, otherwise you will always have worry without end."

Our anxiety will end only when we shall see, "My own interest is fully represented in the Cause, in He who controls the whole. He must give me favourable consideration as He is my friend, and so there can be no fear of any misdeed or injustice." Only then can we find peace within our heart.

Bhoktaram yajna-tapasam, sarvva-loka-mahesvaram—the great Master .of all that we can conceive is the recipient of everything. Bhoktaram yajna-tapasam—everything, to the farthing, goes only to Him. Siihrdam sarvva-bhutanam—and He is friendly to me. He is friendly not only to me, but-the real interest of everyone is represented in His consideration. And, jnatva mam santim rcchati—only the person who realizes, "My interest is assured in the highest quarter of management," can attain real peace of heart. He will feel, "Yes, I have no worry, no anxiety."

In the Lila, however, we find so many kinds of anxiety and worry, but that is something else. It should not be equated with the life of this plane, rather it comes under another category:

bahye visa-jvala haya,
bhitare ananda-maya
krsna-premara adbhuta carita

(Sri Caitanya-caritdmrta, Madhya 2.50)

This means that union-in-separation is the highest form of union. It cannot be attacked or challenged by any circumstances. It appears to be very painful, but internally the position is one of greater intensity of ecstasy. The real gist of the whole meaning of the study of this higher subject is this, and we are to understand and follow it with particular attention and intelligence.

The real fact is that this is only intelligible by faith, sraddha. Buddhi-grahyam atindriyam—no precedents will come to 'prove' such things; it has no other verification. Faith alone can enter that domain. It is an infinite thing but we are tiny people, so what capacity does our faith have? Even in this universe there is so much which seems far beyond the stretch of our faith. Our faith is in such tiny measure when compared with the Infinite, so how much can we boast to have in relation to Him? Therefore why should we be so miserly in our faith? To be miserly will be suicidal. Faith will come first, then research will follow. In this world also, it is the same: the intuition, the theory or idea of a thing comes first and research follows. So unbridled faith must be allowed to have ifs free movement there.

Devotee: There is a verse by Srila Prabodhananda Saraswati:

vancito 'smi vancito 'smi,
vancito 'smi na samsayah visvam gaura-rase magnam,
sparso 'pi mama nabhavat

"Deceived, deceived, no doubt, deceived am I! The whole universe became flooded with love of Sri Gauranga, but alas, my fate was not to get even the slightest touch of it."

Srila Guru Maharaj: That is a clear thing and it expresses the very nature of the devotee. That is, as much conception of the infinite as one has, he must feel within himself that he is insignificant to the same degree. It is the infinite conception from the view of relativity. It is a question of relativity. When you can see a bigger thing then relatively you cannot but think that you are very infinitesimal. When you look at a great thing, in comparison with that you are the smallest. Do you concede this? When you see the ocean you can perceive how tiny you are in relation to that great magnitude of water. In comparison you are very insignificant, is it not? So apply that principle in this instance also. One who looks at a great thing, whether in size, or knowledge or love, when standing at the verge of a great thing, from the consideration of relativity he shall think, "I am very poor and very low."

Purisera kita haite muni se laghistha: Srila Krsnadasa Kaviraja Goswami says of himself, "I am so mean, lower even than the worm in stool." When one has seen such pure and higher things, in comparison with that he must have such feelings.

Mahaprabhu Himself says, "I am as insignificant as an insect but still I continue my life. My life is like an insect's."

na prema-gandho 'sti darapi me harau
krandami saubhagya-bharam prakasitum
vamsi-vilasy-anana-lokanam vina
vibharmmi yat prana-patangakan vrtha

(Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Madhya 2.45)

"Such a pure and merciful ocean of love I see spread before Me but I am so unqualified that I do not receive even a drop of it. Why? Because I am a hypocrite. I really do not want it, so I don't deserve it. I don't want it, and so My life is unfulfilled. I have come near such a vast and beautiful thing but I am not allowed to even touch or receive a drop of it. I am so low, so unqualified. Why? Because I am a hypocrite. But still I think I am great, that I have importance, pratistha. Despite all of this I cannot leave my vanity, my false vanity. I want to display that I have some great

achievement of Krsna-prema and therefore I shed tears. But these tears are not real, for still I am addicted to My lower self, I am self-centred. My self-centredness has not been dissolved. I am a seeker of My own fame, so I am not being allowed to partake of that ocean of nectar."

So, seeing such ocean of nectar one must gradually come to see himself as the meanest of the mean. As much as one comes in connection and consciousness of the higher reality then relatively he is compelled to think himself to be the meanest of the mean. That is the truth. That is the law of nature.

Therefore devotees of the higher order are seen always to say, "Everyone has the chance but not I. I cannot avail myself of this ocean."

Narottama dasa Thakur said, "Jagai and Madhai were such great culprits but they were released and received the nectar, but it seems that only I, Narottama, am barred and cannot touch it."

It is the nature of one who appreciates the highest that he will think himself to be in the lower position. We find this in the practices and sayings of the great men. It is a question of trnad api sumcena, taror api sahisnuna, and this is a necessary qualification of a devotee. We must have that sort of qualification, that sort of heart. That must not be an artificial thing but if we are not ready to think ourselves lower,, we cannot come in connection with the higher.

trnad api sunicena,
taror api sahisnuna
amanina manadena,
kirttaniyah sada harih

Your attitude towards the search will be such that you are almost unfit to search for such a goal, yet you sincerely want to begin your new life. To feel you are so unqualified is the qualification for the finite to approach the Infinite. If you think that you are something, that is a disqualification in your search for the Infinite.

With humility you are to take the Name of the Lord, that Divine Sound. But the process is that you must be mindful of this necessity of humility otherwise the search will be in vain and your attempt will be lost. So what will be the proper attitude? Trnad api sunic—you are to think yourself to be the meanest of the mean and the humblest of the humble. Sincerely you must feel that way. Taror api sahisnu—your forbearance must not have any limit. You must not feel, "So many days, so many ages I have passed in this search but I haven't reached there yet—I shall give up." Be sure that you have come to search for the Infinite. So there is no time limit and no room for any vanity that you shall think yourself to be master of that higher realm, for that is a disqualification and must be given up from the beginning. Amanina manadena—your highest enemy is your self-seeking nature: to think that you have some standing, some greatness in you. That sort of vanity must be abandoned. Amanina—you must never seek any honour for yourself: no reward. Manadena—at the same time you must be modest in your dealings with all others, then your amanina will be genuine. If you do not like to give the honour to others then your own self-seeking will be present and traceable. But when you can give honour to others without wanting any for yourself, you will be qualified to search for Govindam, for the Centre, the Infinite, the Absolute. You are a qualified student if you can give up all these bad and unfavourable prejudices. If you come to search after the Absolute then you must have such qualifications otherwise you will fail. So we find that the great devotees always condemn themselves to the extreme, beyond what we can conceive even for ordinary persons.

Kaviraj Goswami, who is the giver of the highest conception of the truth says,

jagai madhai haite muni
se papistha purisera kita
haite muni se laghistha

mora nama sune yei
tara punya ksaya mora
nama laya yei tara papa haya

(Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, Adi 5.205,206)

"I am worse than a worm in stool. When Jagai and Madhai came in the relativity of Mahaprabhu they were considered to be the worst sinners, but I am worse than them. My sins are so dirty no one can even dream such things. I am such a great sinner that whoever will hear about me, dirt and sin will enter him through his coming in contact with my name. Sin will enter one who once hears my name, and his good qualities will vanish." Kaviraj Goswami continues, "I am a person of the worst type, but the grace of Nityananda Prabhu possesses such a high degree of disinfection that He has given me so many things: He has taken me to Vrndavana and has given the relationship of Rupa, Raghunath and Govinda. There is no qualification in me but all is the grace of Nityananda Prabhu."

By this he wants to express his highest gratitude to Nityananda Prabhu: "It is shameful to speak about one's own life but still I do this. Why? If I do not do so then I shall be ungrateful to the grace and magnanimity of Nityananda Prabhu. So fallen am I but Nityananda Prabhu has given me all these things: Vrndavana, Rupa, Sanatan, Govinda, Mahaprabhu, Raghunath Dasa and so much else. It is all the gift of Nityananda Prabhu. It is His unconditional gift to this one with no qualification, and therefore I have mentioned: 'Yes I have such things.' If I do not say so then I shall be an offender to Nityananda Prabhu's grace, so I am compelled to confess that I am so sinful and fallen but by His grace I have received these things."

The conception and feelings of all the great devotees are of such type. Srila Prabhodananda Saraswati similarly expressed, "It is there. I can see and feel that it is there but I am deprived—sparso 'pi mama nabhavat."

Radharani Herself says, "Krsna is qualified in every way. I can't blame Him in any way at all, but still He is so cruel to us all. He left Vrndavana and so we are all feeling extreme pain, but I cannot accuse Him in any way. This is my durddaiva-vilasa ('Pastime of separation')"

This is union in separation and is a peculiar type of achievement. Externally there is suffering but internally there is transcendental ecstasy: bahye visa-jvala haya, bhitare ananda-maya (C.c.,Madhya 2.50). When one actually has the thing, he says, "No, I don't have it." This is the special characteristic of the Infinite. One who has it in his possession says, "No, I have nothing." This is because it is a statement from the negative to the Positive. And when he says, "I have it," then he has not! The negative cannot assert at all but can only attract. Assertion is only with the Positive.

So the negative can hanker, he can express his own reality in the negative characteristic. He can express his degree of want. The measurement of his position is according to his negative tendency:

his necessity, his depth of attraction—not of gain. It is just the opposite to the general measurement of one's standing in this mundane world. The real measurement rs in the negative side: the depth of necessity and the depth of attraction, but not of gain. Only the Positive can assert His existence.

Devotee: This is beautiful!

Srila Guru Maharaj: Yes. And it is because of your beautiful attraction to all these things that they are being drawn out.

Devotee: It is one thing for such great personalities as Kaviraj Goswami to make these statements. But for men like ourselves, we actually are like that!

Srila Guru Maharaj: That will be the standard to keep in front of us, the ideal as given by our Guru Maharaj. But we must not assume ourselves to be of the standing of Kaviraj Goswami—that is another type of wrong thinking also.

In his book Caitanya Bhagavat, Vrndavana Dasa Thakur tries his utmost to describe the greatness and magnanimity of Mahaprabhu and Nityananda Prabhu. Then he says, "In such a modest and broad way I am appealing to the people at large, I am touching and holding their feet and putting to them: 'Please turn and appreciate the magnanimity and great gift of Gaura-Nitai, it is for your benefit. Please accept this. No matter what class of sinner you are or what filthy position you are in, you please try to come and connect with Gaura-Nityananda. You will be blessed and all your hankering will be fulfilled. Do it, it will be for your benefit.' But, after so much fervent appeal to earnestly request you all to appreciate Gaura and Nityananda, if anyone still wants to criticize and blame Nityananda and Gaurariga then I want to kick his head!" This is also a peculiar sentiment that may come in the heart of a devotee. And how to explain it?

So many superficial critics have said "Kaviraj Goswami has appealed in such a modest way but this Vrndavana Dasa has such vanity! His vanity is so great. He is so proud that he wants to kick those who do not have faith in Gaura-Nityananda. His attitude is most impertinent." Before joining the Mission I had read such comments, but when I came to the Gaudiya Math I heard a particular interpretation from our Srila Prabhupada. He explained that by this statement Nityananda Prabhu has come to the relief of the most sinful and heinous. They have no other method to come to divinity, but Nityananda Prabhu has opened a way for them:

they are being punished by His devotee and so Krsna's special attraction will be drawn towards them. Krsna's attraction will be there because apparently His child—His devotee—has done something wrong, so He will come to compensate for that. If punishment is given by His devotee to a member of the public, Krsna's special attention will be drawn to that man to compensate. He has tolerated and by way of compensation he will be benefited. Vrndavana Dasa has given them some punishment and dishonour;

they are mortified so they must be taken in and some special grace will come to them. So by this statement Vrndavana Dasa has, even to the worst accusers, opened the door to enter into Krsna-loka. We received that sort of interpretation from our Srila Prabhupada.

From the stand-point that there cannot be any filthy thing in the devotee, then by whatever they do, some connection will be established with Krsna. Ultimately a mother has no feeling of revenge to her child. When she chastises her child then he may cry, but the mother will again come and take him on her lap. So there is no permanent apathy, jealousy or any spirit of revenge, but rather any connection that comes in any way is only of compassionate temperament to draw him forwards. Of course that does not mean that willfully we should offend the devotee and try to get benefit thereby! That will be aparadha. It will be in the category of offence to think, "I will take the Name and the reaction for sinning will not affect me."