I Must Try To Search Within Me: "Where is my fault?"

by His Divine Grace Shrila Bhakti Sundar Govinda Dev-Goswami Maharaj

October 31, 1999, Navidwip Dham - India

I am always ready to serve your grace and give service to the devotees because I have got that duty from Shrila Guru Maharaja.

Everyone wants to see the result always and some are getting some result no doubt. Actually devotees are chanting so much. Devotees are enthusiastically doing so much service. Someone is getting so much enthusiasm, but generally we are seeing everyone is searching some result but not getting. It is very difficult to say which way quickly some nourishment will come from our activity. If we are fully surrendered to Lord Krishna and if we have sincerity we must get the result. Here many times I told, chastity and sincerity are necessary. Not only for all the practitioners activity, it is for all activity of the jiva souls. Sincerity and chastity will give us proper inspiration and steadiness in our practicing life. If we have that sincerity we must search which way my activity will be promoted to the devotional level and we must go to sadhu.

We must try to get good association because we know only good association can give that to us. Bad association must always be avoided. What is good and what is bad that also we cannot understand very easily, but at least if we are sincere in the line of Krishna consciousness by the grace of Lord Krishna and by the grace of Gurudev anyway, we will get that good association. Also we can recognize what is good and what is bad something, but not fully can we do because we are not qualified. Good association means association of the Scriptures and the living sadhu. Who is sadhu is also very difficult to say. Here only we will follow him who we are seeing is engaged twenty-four hours for the service of Lord Krishna. For the service of Guru and Vishnava we will try to get his association. He will give so much nourishment to us because he is very enthusiastic. He must be very enthusiastic to see my mood. He will mercifully give his practicing process which way he is proceeding in spiritual life and what will be good for me. Affectionately he will try to give me good nourishment.

In this mundane world it is very difficult to choose good association no doubt, but what shall we do? Without that we will not get the proper line of Krishna Consciousness. So many societies now we can see in this material world. As Vishnava societies they are all trying to give some Krishna consciousness to others. Sometimes some devotees are frustrated. Sometimes some sincere seekers, not devotees I can say, sincere seekers are frustrated: "Where shall I go and where not?" Then they will pray to Nityananda Prabhu and they will pray to Mahaprabhu: "Please You give me that association which will be good for my practicing life." This way they will try to search according to their sincere mood. Krishna will give them good nourishment. This is my faith. When Guru is not present then we must try to take good association. That will come through the Scriptures also, like Shrimad Bhagavad-Gita and Prapanna-jivanamrita and so many other books written by Shrila Bhaktivinode Takur and Narottam Takur. That is also very good association. On behalf of the living Vishnava we can try to get that association. There are so many songs that if we will think of the meaning that also is association of sadhu and it will reveal in our heart and we will get good nourishment through that also.

When some meeting was coming for preaching where I was present Guru Maharaj was telling me: "Sing this song." Guru Maharaja wants to give that conception to others. I am thinking: "Why has Guru Maharaj chosen this song for me?" Because he wants to make me perfect. My feelings first will grow in the line of that song and I shall get a good devotional mood through that song and I can give that to others. I am not thinking he told me to just simply sing a song, and I am singing only; I am thinking: "This is for my benefit and others will hear and they will be benefited if they will follow that song. This way Shrila Guru Maharaj chose many nice songs for me. When meetings are coming he is ordering me to: "Sing this song, sing that song." Through that I understood the songs of Shrila Bhaktivinode Takur, Narottam Takur, songs of Shrimad Bhagavad-Gita and many like that, Prapanna-jivanamritam; it must give us very nice inspiration, association and mood of service. If we will get a good person as sadhu there is no question. A sadhu will always try to engage us. As his duty he is doing like that. That means he is always serving Krishna and Guru twenty-four hours. He also will try to engage us twenty-four hours for that service. If we can follow him that is very good. Partially if we can follow him that is also good. That will be good for our spiritual life.

We must choose two things: Sadhu sangha, and if easily we cannot get sadhu sangha we will try to get the association of the Scriptures and devotional songs. That also will give the result of taking sadhu sangha. But we must be sincere and must be chaste in the line of Krishna consciousness. That means faith must be strong. "I must get, today or tomorrow." When the result is not coming, I must try to search within me: "Where is my fault?" If we try to understand: "Where is my fault?", mercifully by the grace of Krishna it will appear to me: "This, is my fault." Disturbances I have three places only. My ego - first is my ego. And from outside [from other living entities and from nature] so many disturbances may come to me. But if we try to understand it, we must be careful and try to leave our mundane ego. This way we shall try to proceed. The result we must get. This type of faith we must keep. Two plus two equals four, is the normal result. When two plus two equals five then it is the wrong result and we will search where is the fault. That, the sadhu can rectify very easily if living sadhu we will get. By the grace of Nityananda Prabhu it will come to me if I shall pray to Nityananda Prabhu. No other way I am seeing.

Then, we are the practitioners practicing Krishna consciousness. But we must be careful why the result is not coming to me. The result must come and where is my fault we must try to realize. We must be benefited through that realization, but it is necessary to leave our mundane ego as much as possible.

Jai Guru Maharaja.

October 31, 1999

Navidwip Dham, India